I'm sitting at my computer while Bella is happily squealing at the blue sheep and pink pig on her bouncy seat, and thinking about all the things I've learned since being a mom.
1. Eating fast. I have learned the art that whether its a few crackers and cheese, or a steak and potato, I can eat anything in under 5 minutes, I think I may just start asking the waitresses for a small garden shovel instead of a fork.
2. How to do ANYTHING one-handed. eating, dishes, texting, emailing, facebooking. You name it and I've probably done it.
3. How to sleep like my husband. I have always been a light sleeper. If I woke up at night, it took me a while to fall back asleep. The smallest sound woke me up. Now, my head hits the pillow, and I am OUT. Like GONE. Micah has gotten in and out of bed, the dog has licked me, I've had conversations! all while staying totally and completely in sleepyland. but this leads me to the next lesson-
4. How to be awake, out of bed with pants on in less than ten seconds. So I'm a pantless sleeper, and now, I can get out of bed, put my pants on and have a bottle made before I even completely open my eyes. "Getting out of bed" used to take ten or fifteen minutes, just to get my feet on the ground, now try ten seconds! GANGSTA!
5. That my mom was always right. always.
6. God definitely sends you a baby a lot like yourself. Part of the reason I've become a very prayerful person lately. Some are desperate prayers for my own sanity and part are prayers that she will be more like her dad and less like me, so she will hopefully avoid some of the stupid things I did. But when she's screaming for 2 hours because she refused to take a nap that afternoon, I hear my mom's voice coming out of my mouth. "Every choice has a consequence, and now you are exhausted and emotional because at nap time, you made a bad choice. This is why I tell you and try to help you take a nap everyday. I know you don't believe me, but Mommy knows best honey. Stop fighting it and go to sleep" Mind you, she's 3 months old and can't make a conscious choice not to sleep, but I'm getting my practice in for later.
7. Priorities. Shower? Sleep? or Eat? Never in my life did I think that those three things would be the reason for much debate. Up until this point, they were all rights, requirements, and basic neccessities. Now, there are times when I'm like, "I got maybe a half hour. Eat? nah that can wait til this afternoon. I'm gonna sleep. But I havent taken a shower in a day or two... hmmmm Shower now, eat next nap, and sleep in the afternoon, if she goes down."
8. That the days of uninterrupted hours of house cleaning were truly gold, not chores. How about the hours of uninterrupted ANYTHING.
9. That baby vomit isn't really that bad. I just try to convince myself it's Vera Wang's new perfume. or something... Not to mention, I have never been peed on as much (or EVER) as i have been the last three months.
10. Quiet is amazing. It feels like a party when the volume on our TV is in the double digits, or if we are actually playing our OWN music and not lullabies. Not to mention, you begin to notice how loud all your friends are. Their normal tone of voice sounds like a yell if they happen to be around during naptime or bedime.
11. It's all worth it. The smiles, cuddles, and little squeaks (Bella is very squeaky lately) make everything seem perfect, and like its what I must have been meant to do.
That's all for today, kids. I've got a crying baby that needs me to save the day!
Friday, March 12, 2010
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Micah and I
So I figured with our anniversary tommorrow, I've been pretty nostalgic lately, and I thought I'd share that with you...
It all started with a horse. Micah's parents had been given this crazy horse and they in turn gave him to my mom. This was like 20 years ago. Well, one day I was out at the Musick's farm with mom, and standing by the car waiting to leave and Micah's was outside too. It was about the time of day when mosquitos come out and Micah decided to tell me all about how mosquitos mate for life and all this very important mosquito information. Mind you we were like 7, so i just thought he was weird and had cooties. But thats how it all began....
Then we grew up a bit, he started coming to our church, and we started hanging out at the dupea bonfires. Micah became that safe, cuddly brother (which is like gold to a teenage girl in a time of your life when no guys are safe.) that was always there for me and gave me a big hug every time i saw him. When I was about 16, I was in the kitchen with my mom one day and announced, "I think I'm going to marry Micah Musick one day. What do you think about that, mom?" And she said, "well, he has a good family. that could be a good thing"
So began my (attempted) secret crush on micah, I'm horrible at secrets! I had a few boys come and go in my life, but for some reason, when it was all said and done, I would always be writing the breakup entry in my journal, and it would always end with "so and so isnt right for me, maybe, God, you could make this micah thing work out. cuz he's pretty much the best guy I know." I remember my bf at the time had taken me on this super romantic date the night before and I went to church the next day and basically ignored him and went and sat next to micah all afternoon. I still have the pic I took that day. And micah sat and listened to me tell all about the date I had gone on the night before (he did a good job of pretending he was interested, then turned the conversation to something random...)
Then we hit about 19-20 ish, and both went on dts, and both went to india (at the same time, just different places.) and emailed a bit. I got home, and I remember we used to talk on the phone all the time. I really dont know anymore how its possible to spend hours on the phone, but we did. And then he came home in December, and we were chatting online and he was like, "what are you doing tonight?" My whole family was at my house and witnessed my ecstatic little dance (I may even have screamed a little... maybe...) cuz i was finally hanging out with Micah Musick, on a kinda date thing... I was ridiculous.
anyways, so he came over to pick me. And my mom told me that the first time she saw us together, she thought, "they are going to have the cutest kids ever!" which we do! So we went to coffee and bowling and had a beer or two on the waterfront. best night ever.
anyways, we hung out everyday for a month, and 2 days before he was going back to hawaii, I was talking to jason and was like "this kid is never going to ask me out officially.) I left jason's house and in the time it took me to get to micah's, jason had told him to get his act together or jason would come over and kick his ass.
So he asked me out (in a very cute and awkward fashin...) and left for Hawaii, I left for pullman a few weeks later.
Every story has its happy parts, and theres always the part where everything seems to fall apart, and you don't know if its going to be a happy ending. We are at that part of this little story...
When I went to pullman, my life took a downward turn. bad. I ended up having to call micah in Hawaii to tell him that I had cheated on him and that basically, in nicer words, that I wanted to do whatever the hell I wanted and didnt want to be bothered with having to answer for my actions or have anything holding me back. Maybe we can work it out when you get home.
and thats what i did. not such a proud moment in my history, but its a huge part in this story.
Well, towards the end of my time in pullman, i began to realize how dumb i had been. I had basically thrown away the one thing I had wanted for years, for a few too many beers and stupid frat boys. dumb. dumb. dumb.
When micah got home, we started hanging out. And you know, even though tons was between us, we got through it. there were a few really hard conversations, but we pushed through those and made a promise to never lie about anything, past, present or for the future. we pulled out all our skeletons and told every secret. People to this day think its crazy that we literally talk about everything, but thats just what we do, and its how we rebuilt a lot of lost trust and got through what had happened.
And since then, we have grown up together. We were (still are) just 2 kids that didnt have any idea what to do with our lives and decided to figure it out together. the only thing that was for sure was that we wanted to be together forever. So we got engaged. Planned our wedding in 3 weeks (no joke!). Life was pretty crazy there for a while, but we figured it out and did a lot of growing up together. We are kind of the poster kids for the song "all you need is love."
And now, here we are. and believe me when i say that if it wasnt for micah, i wouldnt be where i am today. he kinda saved my life. and i think i probably saved his. The greatest compliment we have ever gotten was from caleb. One day we were talking about marriage and family, and he said, "wait, Micah and Sarah are MARRIED!?" "yah, thats why we live together." and he said, "Well, I just thought you lived together cuz you are best friends."
and thats pretty much it. best friends.
It all started with a horse. Micah's parents had been given this crazy horse and they in turn gave him to my mom. This was like 20 years ago. Well, one day I was out at the Musick's farm with mom, and standing by the car waiting to leave and Micah's was outside too. It was about the time of day when mosquitos come out and Micah decided to tell me all about how mosquitos mate for life and all this very important mosquito information. Mind you we were like 7, so i just thought he was weird and had cooties. But thats how it all began....
Then we grew up a bit, he started coming to our church, and we started hanging out at the dupea bonfires. Micah became that safe, cuddly brother (which is like gold to a teenage girl in a time of your life when no guys are safe.) that was always there for me and gave me a big hug every time i saw him. When I was about 16, I was in the kitchen with my mom one day and announced, "I think I'm going to marry Micah Musick one day. What do you think about that, mom?" And she said, "well, he has a good family. that could be a good thing"
So began my (attempted) secret crush on micah, I'm horrible at secrets! I had a few boys come and go in my life, but for some reason, when it was all said and done, I would always be writing the breakup entry in my journal, and it would always end with "so and so isnt right for me, maybe, God, you could make this micah thing work out. cuz he's pretty much the best guy I know." I remember my bf at the time had taken me on this super romantic date the night before and I went to church the next day and basically ignored him and went and sat next to micah all afternoon. I still have the pic I took that day. And micah sat and listened to me tell all about the date I had gone on the night before (he did a good job of pretending he was interested, then turned the conversation to something random...)
Then we hit about 19-20 ish, and both went on dts, and both went to india (at the same time, just different places.) and emailed a bit. I got home, and I remember we used to talk on the phone all the time. I really dont know anymore how its possible to spend hours on the phone, but we did. And then he came home in December, and we were chatting online and he was like, "what are you doing tonight?" My whole family was at my house and witnessed my ecstatic little dance (I may even have screamed a little... maybe...) cuz i was finally hanging out with Micah Musick, on a kinda date thing... I was ridiculous.
anyways, so he came over to pick me. And my mom told me that the first time she saw us together, she thought, "they are going to have the cutest kids ever!" which we do! So we went to coffee and bowling and had a beer or two on the waterfront. best night ever.
anyways, we hung out everyday for a month, and 2 days before he was going back to hawaii, I was talking to jason and was like "this kid is never going to ask me out officially.) I left jason's house and in the time it took me to get to micah's, jason had told him to get his act together or jason would come over and kick his ass.
So he asked me out (in a very cute and awkward fashin...) and left for Hawaii, I left for pullman a few weeks later.
Every story has its happy parts, and theres always the part where everything seems to fall apart, and you don't know if its going to be a happy ending. We are at that part of this little story...
When I went to pullman, my life took a downward turn. bad. I ended up having to call micah in Hawaii to tell him that I had cheated on him and that basically, in nicer words, that I wanted to do whatever the hell I wanted and didnt want to be bothered with having to answer for my actions or have anything holding me back. Maybe we can work it out when you get home.
and thats what i did. not such a proud moment in my history, but its a huge part in this story.
Well, towards the end of my time in pullman, i began to realize how dumb i had been. I had basically thrown away the one thing I had wanted for years, for a few too many beers and stupid frat boys. dumb. dumb. dumb.
When micah got home, we started hanging out. And you know, even though tons was between us, we got through it. there were a few really hard conversations, but we pushed through those and made a promise to never lie about anything, past, present or for the future. we pulled out all our skeletons and told every secret. People to this day think its crazy that we literally talk about everything, but thats just what we do, and its how we rebuilt a lot of lost trust and got through what had happened.
And since then, we have grown up together. We were (still are) just 2 kids that didnt have any idea what to do with our lives and decided to figure it out together. the only thing that was for sure was that we wanted to be together forever. So we got engaged. Planned our wedding in 3 weeks (no joke!). Life was pretty crazy there for a while, but we figured it out and did a lot of growing up together. We are kind of the poster kids for the song "all you need is love."
And now, here we are. and believe me when i say that if it wasnt for micah, i wouldnt be where i am today. he kinda saved my life. and i think i probably saved his. The greatest compliment we have ever gotten was from caleb. One day we were talking about marriage and family, and he said, "wait, Micah and Sarah are MARRIED!?" "yah, thats why we live together." and he said, "Well, I just thought you lived together cuz you are best friends."
and thats pretty much it. best friends.
Friday, March 5, 2010
American Honey
So before I proceed, I want to say that the intention of this blog isn't to dwell on the past, bash people who screwed me over, or whine about "poor me." My life is all about the future. There are times when you have to think about the past so you can make a better future, both for yourself, and for your baby (my baby, in this case). So if I do go into some of it, don't take me the wrong way- I'm not looking for sympathy, empathy, or affirmation in my decisions at the time. All I want to do is share my hopes for the future. So here we go...
(I should be cleaning, cooking, putting on make up or doing my hair, but naaahhh!)
So, have you seen that show fringe? My dad would say its a waste of time or a Hollywood ploy to make money. But thats ok, I'm used to him now. Anyways- the premise is an FBI division that's purpose is to investigate weird deaths or occurrences- things that seem impossible but are scientifically possible ie genetic alteration, bio weapons, etc. weird, creepy, but crazy interesting and awesome!
Well, the new show is about how theres this alternate reality parallel to ours. So I've been thinking about how I hope my parallel Sarah is living.
I've always dreamed of a life in the country. Growing up barefoot, on the back of a horse, with wide open fields for company. I guess it's because its the opposite of my life which was a druggie birthmom, trailer parks,which gave way to city life, backyard, and the biggest animal we could have was a german shepherd.
For some reason, the country life has always drawn me in. maybe its the simplicity, maybe its the quiet, I dont really know. But I've realized that I want Bella to have that. (Can you imagine- Bella Sweet Musick, Miss Rodeo Princess, on a big beautiful paint, all glittery and with flowers around her horses neck!? seriously!!!)
anyways, as i hear the sirens run back and forth all day, and loud pops that sound way too much like gunshots for my taste, and drive around and see people living all packed together, I realize that this city is no place for a kid. In general, the city is no place for a kid. There is no room for exploration, for freedom to experience different things, no room to grow.
Maybe my alternate universe self is a barrel racer in Texas, who grow up on a ranch and married a cowboy in Wrangler jeans. (I'm working on micah, he listens to contry now. next is the jeans and boots... love him!) Maybe the draw for me is the confidence that I seem to find whenever I get out of the smog and traffic of the city. Its like things get quiet, emotionally, spiritually.
Well, until I get my ranch house in the country I guess I'll just have to listen to "American Honey" and tell Bella she's a cowgirl. Do they make dog saddles, so she can start practicing her riding skills?
(I should be cleaning, cooking, putting on make up or doing my hair, but naaahhh!)
So, have you seen that show fringe? My dad would say its a waste of time or a Hollywood ploy to make money. But thats ok, I'm used to him now. Anyways- the premise is an FBI division that's purpose is to investigate weird deaths or occurrences- things that seem impossible but are scientifically possible ie genetic alteration, bio weapons, etc. weird, creepy, but crazy interesting and awesome!
Well, the new show is about how theres this alternate reality parallel to ours. So I've been thinking about how I hope my parallel Sarah is living.
I've always dreamed of a life in the country. Growing up barefoot, on the back of a horse, with wide open fields for company. I guess it's because its the opposite of my life which was a druggie birthmom, trailer parks,which gave way to city life, backyard, and the biggest animal we could have was a german shepherd.
For some reason, the country life has always drawn me in. maybe its the simplicity, maybe its the quiet, I dont really know. But I've realized that I want Bella to have that. (Can you imagine- Bella Sweet Musick, Miss Rodeo Princess, on a big beautiful paint, all glittery and with flowers around her horses neck!? seriously!!!)
anyways, as i hear the sirens run back and forth all day, and loud pops that sound way too much like gunshots for my taste, and drive around and see people living all packed together, I realize that this city is no place for a kid. In general, the city is no place for a kid. There is no room for exploration, for freedom to experience different things, no room to grow.
Maybe my alternate universe self is a barrel racer in Texas, who grow up on a ranch and married a cowboy in Wrangler jeans. (I'm working on micah, he listens to contry now. next is the jeans and boots... love him!) Maybe the draw for me is the confidence that I seem to find whenever I get out of the smog and traffic of the city. Its like things get quiet, emotionally, spiritually.
Well, until I get my ranch house in the country I guess I'll just have to listen to "American Honey" and tell Bella she's a cowgirl. Do they make dog saddles, so she can start practicing her riding skills?
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Finding Myself Again
Hellllloooo blog world. It's been a long time. I've always been a big writer, but as life happened, I've gotten away from it and don't write as often as I'd like (or need) to.
I'm coming up on my 2 year wedding anniversary, which really is when my life started it feels like. I mean, I have a child hood, and a teenage phase, but getting married was what set me on the path to becoming a grown up adult (maybe it does that for everyone, or maybe just for those of us who run off and get married at a "young age" like I did, so we didnt have much time to actually grow up on our own. shrug.) So now that I'm a 2 year old grown up, I figure it's time to get back to some of the passions and interests I had. I've spent the last little while first off- being too into the party lifestyle to even give my thoughts, emotions, and gifts a second thought, and then living the life of a married person, which is a bit to get figured out, particularly when you do a complete 180 from what you were doing. Well, then I had that down decently well, and then God decided that we should have a baby. And if you've never done THAT before (the having of the baby, not the making part, just to clarify...tehehe.) thats a huge, massive, ridiculous, hard, sleepless, tearful, painful, beautiful, did i say HUGE, adjustment.
So here I am now, Bella is almost 3 months old, takes decent naps, and kinda sleeps through the night, and I figure it's about time to get back to thinking about things again (my brain has taken a temporary hiatus due to lack of sleep until recently...) , and writing about them. I could blog on facebook, (well, actually 'post a note') but this is just so much... uh, trendier? more official? I dunno- just better. :)
So here we go. I'm putting myself out there. I apologize in advance for any grammar mistakes, cussing, or anything you may find offensive in the future, but it's me, and I'm not the kind of gal to say "bottom" when I'd rather say "ass", for example.
that's probably it for tonight. "I don't envy you the headache you will have in the morning, but for now, rest well, and dream of large woman."
good night.
I'm coming up on my 2 year wedding anniversary, which really is when my life started it feels like. I mean, I have a child hood, and a teenage phase, but getting married was what set me on the path to becoming a grown up adult (maybe it does that for everyone, or maybe just for those of us who run off and get married at a "young age" like I did, so we didnt have much time to actually grow up on our own. shrug.) So now that I'm a 2 year old grown up, I figure it's time to get back to some of the passions and interests I had. I've spent the last little while first off- being too into the party lifestyle to even give my thoughts, emotions, and gifts a second thought, and then living the life of a married person, which is a bit to get figured out, particularly when you do a complete 180 from what you were doing. Well, then I had that down decently well, and then God decided that we should have a baby. And if you've never done THAT before (the having of the baby, not the making part, just to clarify...tehehe.) thats a huge, massive, ridiculous, hard, sleepless, tearful, painful, beautiful, did i say HUGE, adjustment.
So here I am now, Bella is almost 3 months old, takes decent naps, and kinda sleeps through the night, and I figure it's about time to get back to thinking about things again (my brain has taken a temporary hiatus due to lack of sleep until recently...) , and writing about them. I could blog on facebook, (well, actually 'post a note') but this is just so much... uh, trendier? more official? I dunno- just better. :)
So here we go. I'm putting myself out there. I apologize in advance for any grammar mistakes, cussing, or anything you may find offensive in the future, but it's me, and I'm not the kind of gal to say "bottom" when I'd rather say "ass", for example.
that's probably it for tonight. "I don't envy you the headache you will have in the morning, but for now, rest well, and dream of large woman."
good night.
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