An open letter from an adopted kid...

Dear mom and dad.

I know you have done everything for me. You have given me a comfy bed and cool toys. I am fed and have clothes to wear. But i still feel unloved and alone. i don't understand why my real parents didn't want me.  i don't know why i couldn't live with them. I've heard you say that my real mom couldn't take care of me. But you can take care of me, so why couldn't she.  she must not have loved me enough. i thought moms and dads were always supposed to love their kids. what is wrong with me?

I know I don't sit still.  I get in trouble at school. Is that why they didn't want me?  Am i too loud in the house? Is it because I get muddy and dirty? Maybe they thought I was ugly. Did I cry too much as a baby? That must have been why they gave me away. 

you tell me you love me.  you tell me that i belong to you. but then i hear you say that you can't handle me. i hear you tell dad that i make you crazy. dad says that he doesn't know what to do with me. Does that mean that you don't love me either?  you are always on the phone talking to other people, and when i try to talk to you, you tell me to be quiet.  i just want to tell you about my day. and when i do other things to get your attention, then you get mad at me and yell.  it scares me when you do that because im scared you will give me away too.

i try to be good. i try to do the right things so you will love me.  When i do good on my spelling test, you give me a present.  when i haven't fought with anyone at school, we do something fun together.  but i can't always be good. sometimes i just want to run around and yell. sometimes my brother makes me so angry, i hit him. and then you yell at me and tell me that you are frustrated and don't know why i do those kind of things. 

you only show me you love me when i do good things. my real parents would love me even when i did bad things. my real parents would take me to the park, take me to the zoo, and build things with me all the time. my real parents wouldnt yell at me.  my real parents would be able to handle me.  my real parents would never be to busy for me. 

but they didn't love me.  and you don't either. i must be so bad and ugly that nobody can love me.