American Honey

So before I proceed, I want to say that the intention of this blog isn't to dwell on the past, bash people who screwed me over, or whine about "poor me."  My life is all about the future. There are times when you have to think about the past so you can make a better future, both for yourself, and for your baby (my baby, in this case).  So if I do go into some of it, don't take me the wrong way- I'm not looking for sympathy, empathy, or affirmation in my decisions at the time.  All I want to do is share my hopes for the future.  So here we go...

(I should be cleaning, cooking, putting on make up or doing my hair, but naaahhh!)

So, have you seen that show fringe?  My dad would say its a waste of time or a Hollywood ploy to make money.  But thats ok, I'm used to him now. Anyways- the premise is an FBI division that's purpose is to investigate weird deaths or occurrences- things that seem impossible but are scientifically possible ie genetic alteration, bio weapons, etc.  weird, creepy, but crazy interesting and awesome!

Well, the new show is about how theres this alternate reality parallel to ours.  So I've been thinking about how I hope my parallel Sarah is living. 

I've always dreamed of a life in the country.  Growing up barefoot, on the back of a horse, with wide open fields for company.  I guess it's because its the opposite of my life which was a druggie birthmom, trailer parks,which gave way to city life, backyard, and the biggest animal we could have was a german shepherd.

For some reason, the country life has always drawn me in.  maybe its the simplicity, maybe its the quiet, I dont really know.  But I've realized that I want Bella to have that.  (Can you imagine- Bella Sweet Musick, Miss Rodeo Princess, on a big beautiful paint, all glittery and with flowers around her horses neck!?  seriously!!!) 

anyways, as i hear the sirens run back and forth all day, and loud pops that sound way too much like gunshots for my taste, and drive around and see people living all packed together, I realize that this city is no place for a kid.  In general, the city is no place for a kid.  There is no room for exploration, for freedom to experience different things, no room to grow. 

Maybe my alternate universe self is a barrel racer in Texas, who grow up on a ranch and married a cowboy in Wrangler jeans.  (I'm working on micah, he listens to contry now.  next is the jeans and boots... love him!)  Maybe the draw for me is the confidence that I seem to find whenever I get out of the smog and traffic of the city.  Its like things get quiet, emotionally, spiritually. 

Well, until I get my ranch house in the country I guess I'll just have to listen to "American Honey" and tell Bella she's a cowgirl. Do they make dog saddles, so she can start practicing her riding skills?